I am not sure what a person expects when I’m in the can and he or she starts pounding on the door from outside. If they want me to hurry, knocking on the door is really counterproductive because after a sharp, hurried knock jars me out of the quiet concentration of thinking I am alone and in privacy, I am one to get stage fright. I don’t know how to be all “PPPPFFFFFT FT FT FT PPBBT KHWOOOOH TSSSCCCCH SSHH FT FT FT FT FT KHEWWW PPBBBT WHOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH” like those bold old ladies in public restrooms who just don’t give a fuck. People who knock on bathroom doors either don’t know I am in there or they do. If they don’t, honestly, what the fuck does a locked bathroom door usually mean? And if they do, what do they fucking want? Do they really want me to open the door right now? Am I supposed to yell out, “Yes, I exist, and what I am doing in here is legitimate?”
People who do this do not deserve to continue living unless they are me and I have very good reason to believe that I am waiting for some self-absorbed chick to finish taking her time applying her seventh layer of clown make-up while chatting on her mobile phone as I squirm and damage my kidneys outside. Then a good angry knock is definitely in order.
*Photo from warble.
