Since I’m a Foreign, once a year I have to have a meeting with someone at my university and show them my student visa/passport to prove that I’m “engaged” with my program.
This is so they can ensure that I haven’t sneakily acquired a student visa as an avenue for taking advantage of the gapingly liberal immigration system to escape into a void of the United Kingdom, marry scores of sought-after English gentlemen, seize employment out of the penniless hands of starving Britishes from the numerous establishments hungry with desire to hire me, or commit random acts of terrorism on strangers and acquaintances.
They do this by taking a photocopy of my passport and asking me how the program is going.
Last year my answer was “okay,” but then I locked my deadened eyes with the interviewer, allowed for a quick mist to build up, which I then blinked away, and held that stance for 40–65 seconds so that he would know it’s the opposite of okay. It’s NOkay.
This year, possible answers are:
- “Let me answer your question with a question: what is your favorite medieval torture method, and why?”
- “This life that I’m living right now is like playing out a personal fantasy for me. I’m doing everything I’ve ever dreamed of doing.” *overturn interviewer’s desk*
- “If you had to die at the hands of a medieval torturer, how would you want to go?”
- “It’s above driving a vehicle off the edge of a cliff, but below driving nails into my skull.”
- *hand interviewer jar of own blood*
- “Would you rather allow medieval torture to overtake you as you slipped out of existence, or would you rather endure the torture and continue living, but as a constantly-agonized vegetable?”
- “A PhD is like a garden. You fertilize it, water it, feed it, tend to it, nurture it, and then sit back and watch some kids trample it with their bicycles.”
- (same answer as 2012)