I have had to go through loads of bureaucracy for various life events recently. Applying to university, applying for funding, applying for a student visa, applying for identity documents, registering to vote through embassies (I’m a dual citizen so I get to do many things twice, including voting for two Presidents this year).
Getting my student visa alone cost several liters of my sanity, or whatever sanity is measured in. It must be some sort of liquid measurement though, right?
God, I can’t even tell this story because it’s so fucking boring. No one wants to hear or read about someone’s visa application issues. Even though when you’re in it, it feels like an eventful, heart-pounding debacle, but recounting what happened is mind-numbing.
I couldn’t get some very specific code from a very specific institution that only exists for providing this very specific code, which only exists for getting this very specific type of visa, and I am writing about it? How perfectly fascinating. Allow me to hang myself from my fingernails.
I will just say that a complication caused a delay in the processing of my visa, and that getting all the shit together for the visa to successfully be processed in time for the start of my PhD program was hellish in a really boring sort of way. I had to postpone my flight, which was like, “AAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOU SHOWER OF CUNTS” on the day it happened, but “yawn” when I write about it in a fucking blog.
I’m finding that most adulthood problems are like this; they bring you near death, but the way it happens is so mundane.
I have to reapply for the funding of my PhD once a year and it’s always a confusing meltdown. “WHAT DO THESE NUMBERS MEAN? WHY DIDN’T I RECEIVE ALL OF MY THIRD INSTALLMENT? I HAVEN’T EATEN A PROPER MEAL ALL WEEK. I CAN’T PAY MY RENT OR TUITION AND I’M GOING TO BE EVICTED AND HOMELESS AND IT’S SNOWING OUTSIDE.”
…Quietly fill out a form.
An excess of events like this in recent months this has broken me. Now whenever I need to apply for anything that involves trying to figure out my tax information, or providing references, or some other information that is not as immediately obvious as my birthday and address, I stop and think of all the things I’d rather be doing than this.
I would rather vacation in Rapeville, Democratic Republic of the Congo. I would rather watch all the seasons of Heroes in one sitting. I would rather snort a line of wasabi. I would rather hold a dollop of horseradish mustard on my tongue for several hours. I would rather fight on the front lines of an illegitimate war that unilaterally flouts international humanitarian law than have to fill out another such form.
HAHAHA… just reading your article makes me feel like i wanna die,omg! I really know how hard it is when it’s paper work. can you imagine that I need a visa to go any place outside of my country even if i am going just to spend a holiday for a week?? I even need a visa to visit Tunisia??? it really sucks. Thanks for this post, it’s amazing
Please make your next post soon ( less than a month and 23 days)
Thanks, I thought about poring over each detail of every type of application form-related incident I’ve experienced in the last year to make it as realistic as possible as though you’re “experiencing it” with me, but then decided against it. So, since this could have been worse, you’re welcome.
hehehe!! No one would handle it if you put the details. the other thing is it sucks more when the people who are approving your papers are so incomptent or they don’t care about your time, that really pisses me off more and make the whole thing so hard that you don’t wanna live anymore
So the life of a student is not all party, party, party?
I must have gone to the wrong school.
As an undergraduate it was “study, study, study,” as a master’s student it was “party, still hold down a job, party,” and as a PhD student it’s “procrastinate, self-loathe, procrastinate.” I’ve regressed.
Sounds perfectly awful!
Is there a light on the horizon?
Well, a dim one, I suppose! Unless I’m mistaking the light at the end of the tunnel for it? I fortunately have a whole year until the next big funding meltdown. But my passport expires before my student visa does (this year), so that will (not) be fun to figure out. I assume it will be like this until I shut up and settle down somewhere.
If it involves a form, I won’t do it. “Application for the Pile of Free Money.” Nope. Not going to go there.
I hate taxes because of the forms. Because of the forms involved I view taxation as government interference in my right to the pursuit of happiness and therefore illegal. Tax day is not a fun day at my house and generally results with my wife hating my guts. Hey, just like the other day.
Next time you need a visa you should consider marrying me instead. I think it would be the more pleasant solution. (In a micro-level above hell sort of way.)